Joseph had surgery this past Tuesday. In a delicate area. Ok, ok, I’ll tell you: he had a medically necessary circumcision.

I was, naturally, nervous about this. But my nervousness increased a lot when a friend reminded me that there was a lot of debate about general anesthesia and the toxicity it caused in children with autism. In particular, the use of nitrous oxide has been heavily debated in autism forums and websites, and there is concern that it can make an abnormality with folate (something many autistic people have) even worse.

So Blue Eyes and I hit the books — er, internet — to do some research on anesthesia. We discovered a lot of information, including an article by an anesthesiologist nurse with an autistic child ( that spoke particularly about which anesthesia was better for kids with very sensitive systems. It said to make sure your anesthesiologist understands that autism is not  simply a behavioral thing but a physiological condition, and that it needs to be treated as such.

We liked the article so much that we printed it out for Joseph’s anesthesiologist to refer to. We wrote down the types of anesthesia that we felt comfortable using.

But on the morning of the surgery, when we actually got to meet the anesthesiologist, he was arrogant. He told us that the article was anecdotal, that he knew what he was doing, that we could either do it the hard way (our way) or the easy way (his way).

Sigh. I know all doctors aren’t like this, but why are most of them like this? I was on the verge of demanding another anesthesiologist, but I held my tongue. Instead we stood up to him, as we have learned to do in the past few years, insisting that we work together on the drugs that would be given, and not given, to Joseph.

After all, isn’t “anecdotal” the way everything got decided before we developed an obsession with facts? And how do you get facts if no one is doing the research?

Blue Eyes and I had to be willing to go into the discomfort of disagreeing with an “expert.” We had to go on the edge of rudeness, insisting that our needs be taken into account. It took some discussion, but eventually the doctor agreed not to give Joseph nitrous oxide, and we all agreed on what Joseph would get.

This experience was very different from my emergency c-section. When that happened, we gave all our power away to the doctors. Whatever they thought was best was what happened. To this day, I still think it was all those antibiotics that caused Joseph’s already-compromised immune system to tip over the edge into autism.

Do you know which is the very best yoga posture? Standing on your own two feet. This is one of the things having a kid with special needs has taught me to do. Joseph got through the surgery beautifully and is recovering without any visible signs of trauma (other than the, well, obvious one).

We all play roles on this planet. The anesthesiologist got to play arrogant doctor, and I got to play insistent, determined parent. But I can’t help but think that, if insistence can decrease arrogance in the medical profession, then we need some more insistent parents. We need to arm ourselves with information, stand in our truth, and yet be open-minded to the doctors’ input. It’s an interesting balance.

Perhaps, if standing on your own two feet is the very best yoga posture, it’s those balancing postures that come next.