I had a wonderful dentist who would tell his staff that he was bound to mess up at times – that’s why it was called a dental practice, not a dental perfect. And so it goes for our spiritual practices, our soccer practice, our flute practice, our spelling practice, and every other area in our lives where we work at things.

When you think about it, the concept of practicing actually applies to everything in our lives. We’re practicing creating and maintaining a good marriage, good friendships, happy children. Practicing being good citizens, having positive thoughts, being authentic, acting with compassion, making money, being a functional adult, etc.

It’s all practice. We’re all in training.

So why, oh why, do I tend to look at everything Joseph does as a Grand Finale? If I see him pat another kid on the head or put his face too close to someone else’s, I do not necessarily have to cringe and go right into panic. Cringing and panicking are not the only options here — especially because Joseph is supersensitive to my feelings.

What Joseph is doing is practicing being social. He doesn’t know how to do it as naturally as other kids, but he wants to do it. That, in itself, is huge. And he is a great observer: he pays close attention to how it’s done and then he mirrors it. He rehearses other kids’ phrases under his breath. He is absolutely practicing.

Kindergarten is tough on us autism moms. I have known asd moms who, when their kid enters kindergarten, have cried for days. It is right in your face how your kid is different from the others, and it can hurt. You see how deep the social chasm really is. These kindergarten-aged neurotypical kids are socially very sophisticated! And Joseph just isn’t. Period.

Correction: not period. Joseph is not very socially-skilled yet. Joseph is practicing. This is why he is not going to be homeschooled: he needs all the practice he can get.

My older brother, Dan, tells me that, for most of his life, he had no idea how to make small talk. He tells a story about being at a party, sitting all alone as usual, and making the decision to learn small talk. He started paying close attention to how people were doing this small talk thing: how they would approach another person, what they would say, how they would respond. He started practicing small talk. Slowly, but surely, he figured it out.

Dan has many Aspergers traits. I’ve heard it said that Aspergers kids start doing much better around the age of 18: They’ve had that many years to figure out the social thing, and they’re out of high school and able to mix with people who hold similar interests.

I now declare to Life, the Universe and Everyone that I want to see Joseph as someone who is practicing. Not failing; not permanently delayed – just practicing.

I’m starting to talk to him in this vein. I keep pointing out how, the more you practice, the better you get. I keep spotlighting how climbing the monkey bars is easier than it used to be, how he’s riding his bike more smoothly than he used to – and all because of practice. He sees it — which is incredibly helpful, because his lot in life is going to be harder than it is for most.

One little step at a time, Joseph is learning how to be social. That’s what I need to look at: the small steps of improvement. I want to keep the conversation about practice going because eventually he will  ask us what’s different about him. At that point I want to remind him that, though things can be difficult, they are not impossible if you keep practicing.

In Toastmasters, we practice public speaking and leadership in a supportive environment. It is incredibly healing and growthful to risk, to do what is scary, in an environment that holds you in a loving way.

What I intend for Joseph is the same loving, supportive environment where he can do what’s scary and growthful for him: practice social skills. School is that right now. Rather than disregarding Joseph or bullying him, the other kids try to help him. If, or when, that changes, I will step in to advocate.

For now, it is perfect.

On another note, thanks to those of you who sent kind emails or phone calls or prayers after my last entry. They meant a lot to me. It was a long regression, but Joseph is coming out of it now in a really beautiful way. It’s like watching someone come out of a deep sleep feeling refreshed, recharged, and ready for action. Yea!

I think that the reason I’m getting this perspective on practice is due to a new practice I’ve been doing myself: Yogananda’s worry fast.

Yogananda maintains that worry is a habit and, as such, it creates grooves in the mind. If you compare the mind to an old-fashioned record, our needle falls habitually into whichever grooves are deepest. So he recommends worry fasting to lessen the depth of those worry grooves.

Twice a day, morning and evening, I’ve been consciously worry-fasting for an hour. Now I’m going to extend the time to an hour and a-half twice a day — and gradually increase it from there. It feels like I’m getting control over the anxiety rather than the other way around. About time! And all it’s taking is — guess what! — Practice!

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