It’s been a deep sorrow for me that Joseph and I don’t have real conversation. My questions are often ignored or answered as if I’d asked something else entirely. If I try to engage him in a conversation, I’ll usually get one- or two-word responses.  Fragments come out, or words out of order. I get confused as to what he’s trying to say.

Sometimes, frustrated, Joseph will burst out with, “Don’t talk to me! I don’t want to talk!” Having a mind that can’t organize words or concepts must make verbal self-expression very challenging.

A few years ago I brought up to John, our RDI Consultant, my sadness about the lack of conversation with Joseph. It’s another autism-based missed opportunity, I’ve felt — the chance to engage our hearts and minds via our words.

But John has told me that RDI addresses the conversational deficit. And guess what? At last, at last, we  have a strong enough foundation to get to work on it.

To start with, I’m not to ask Joseph those open-ended questions that parents are supposed to ask their children (have I mentioned that autism parenting is counter-intuitive?). Right now it’s too confusing for Joseph. I’m to ask more specific questions. Instead of, “What did you do at school today?” I ask, “Did you play on the blacktop or the playground today?” “What did you do there?” “Why?”

I’m to ask who, what, where, when and why questions. Not all at once. Not overwhelmingly so. Just enough to get Joseph used to the different ingredients of basic conversation.

This afternoon Blue Eyes asked Joseph, “Where did you just come from?” Joseph answered, “John’s house.” “What did you do there?” “We went swimming.” We are focusing on this sort of thing — Joseph does something and then reports on it in a way that is clear and understandable. We guide him with the basic ingredients of conversation.

Coincidentally (or not?), Joseph has recently gotten into telling stories — either made-up ones or stories from Blue Eyes’ and my childhood. It’s the perfect time to exercise the who-what-where-when-why concepts. If Joseph jumps in on a story without setting it up properly, I look confused. “Wait a minute. Who was this? Where were they?” Joseph has to backtrack and fill me in on the basics before continuing.

It’s exciting. I’m already seeing progress. My long-held dream of conversing deeply with my son is moving in the right direction. And the great thing is, Joseph doesn’t even know we’re working on this. It is happening for him in what appears to be a natural manner.

RDI is getting a lot of flak from our local funding agency. They lean toward Applied Behavioral Analysis, which works with kids in a much more rote way. The thing is, life is dynamic and ever changing, and learning rote ways of thinking, talking and behaving are not going to serve these kids in the long run. When I see Joseph getting along in his mainstream classroom — when I see his friends including him in their activities, even seeking him out — I am filled with admiration for my son and for the intervention that is making such a difference in his life.

Where autism is concerned, there is no such thing as small talk. Small talk is big talk, and big talk is even bigger talk.

I could say a lot more on this, but for now I (who) am signing off (what). It’s late (when) and I’m tired because it’s been a long day (why). Off to bed (where) with me.

Nice talkin’ to ya.

Advertisements