horseback ride halloweenOne of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten from a fellow autism parent was this:

Figure out what you love to do and then be persistent at getting your kid to do it too.

This mom is an avid cross-country skier, and she did not want to give that up just because her son was severely impaired with autism. She spent two years pushing him up snowy hills and holding on to him as he went down the snowy slopes. Eventually he got it, and now the whole family cross-country skis together regularly.

Blue Eyes and I wanted to travel as a family. Travel, of course, requires lots of changes and being out of the routine — both things that autistic people don’t take easily. When Joseph was turning three, we wanted to bring him to New Zealand to visit his nanna and other relatives. I was freaking out about taking a young autistic kid on such a long flight, but our counselor said this:

It won’t get any easier if you wait.

This, too, was good advice. We took him on that flight, and he’s been traveling with us ever since. Hotels were difficult at first — I have vivid memories of packing up and checking out at 3:00 one morning because we knew he’d never get back to sleep — but now hotels are one of the best parts of traveling for him.

Joseph is pushing the limits himself now. He nagged me incessantly to go ice skating recently. When you’re dealing with autism, anything different is good, so off we went.  The rink was great because you could stack up buckets and hold on to them as you skated. It was a perfect first visit, and we’ll go again sometime.

He hopped up on a big horse on Halloween and rode around as bravely as any other kid. A huge step for Joseph.

After six years of trying, after six years of being terrified that he might fall, last week Joseph finally rode his bike all by himself. Oh, he was so proud and happy. He even fell a few times and realized that he didn’t die.

Now, as winter begins to whisper in the wind, Joseph is talking about skiing. Our 23 year-old nephew is visiting from New Zealand, and he is a very enthusiastic skier. Then we have Joseph’s friend DJ who, with his family, is way into skiing – so Joseph’s getting influenced on all sides. The guys went to a ski sale yesterday and bought used ski gear for the whole family. So I guess we’re going skiing.

When Joseph was five, I watched friends put their five year-olds into ski lessons and thought that Joseph would never be able to do that. He’d scream. He’d panic. It’d be too strange, too unusual for him. He didn’t have any sense of balance. He’d fall a lot, and he was panic-stricken about falling.

Amazing what a difference a few years can make, because now he is ready. He put on his skis, poles and boots this afternoon and “skied” on our lawn. “See? I’m good at it already!” he said to me.

Music to my ears.

The Buddha said we make our own prisons, and I believe it. I have put limitations around my kid and his condition; I think he’ll “never” do this or that. Now I’m thinking I’d better remove “never” from my vocabulary.  It’s like this reverse-advice from Richard Bach:

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they’re yours.

I’ll leave you with one famous piece of advice. It comes from Winston Churchill and is very relevant, not only to parents of special needs kids, but to everybody everywhere:

Never, never, never give up.

Blessings.

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