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I have just been through a dark time. I landed some painful physical karma and I let it get to me. Everything got dark and difficult — especially the fact that Joseph has autism.

Have you ever seen the different (humorous) religious¬† perspectives around Shit Happens? The Buddhists, for instance, say, “If shit happens, it isn’t really shit.” The Catholics say, “If shit happens, you deserve it.”¬† The Quakers say, “Let us not fight over this shit.”

And the Jews say, “Why does shit always happen to me?”

I am Jewish on my parents’ side, and that one nailed me during this last dance with the darkness. I held a big pity party about autism, and I was there in full attendance.

I also resisted. Sorry, Byron Katie, but I did not love life the way it was. I wanted it different! I wanted it neurotypical! I wanted to rewrite the whole dang script.

Hello, character flaws, there you are again. Will you be staying for dinner?

If it was just me going through the tailspin, it’d be bad enough. But Joseph is very connected with me and, when I nosedive, he nosedives. He gets more autistic-acting, triggering my resistance and self-pity, triggering his flapping and weird sleep patterns and brain fog, and on and on we go. The death spiral.

On the bright side, I did one thing differently: I told people that I was going through it. I cried about it to more than one friend and mentioned it to others. I was vulnerable. And you know what? People offered their help. They offered to look after Joseph. They listened. They prayed. They cared. I also got treatment for my physical ailment and that is improving. I took care of me a lot more quickly than I usually do. That feels good.

The great master Ramakrishna said, “Some of us laugh, Mother; some of us weep; some of us dance with Thy sweet joy.” To me that means there is a choice. I can walk with God in any old way I choose. Moment by moment, I do life with God — how do I choose to do it this day?

When it’s really bad, it appears that there isn’t a choice. But I know there is. There are the very rare examples of joyful, radiant people who lived in the concentration camps; of Tibetan Buddhist prisoners who feel that the worst thing possible would be to lose compassion for their torturers; of the Christian prisoner who, when her torturer said, “I am more powerful than your God because I can kill you!” responded with, “No, my God is more powerful because, as you torture me to death, I can love you.”

Blimey. What heroes these people are. What an example to the rest of us — and to me, who just spent more time than I care to admit in my lonely little pity party.

I conclude, therefore, with the Christian Scientists’ viewpoint:

Shit happening is all in your mind.


Autism and Spirituality: the Dance